die tägliche dex: Reflection

So I was sick since the start of the week, felt like shit, but not too bad now. Started with running nose, developed into full fledged flu within a day, then cough, until I couldn't even have 5 minutes without coughing. And asthma in the middle of the night. Three straight days of MC ftw. Well, that gave me a significant bit of time to think about things.

I think I've come to accept things already. Everything about who I am, what I have, etc. I think I can honestly say that I'm happy. I've learnt to manage my expectations and disappointments, and I feel at ease now. Since the last blog update (read: depression kicking in), my mindset has changed a lot. Now I'm just like, "no girlfriend ah, single lor. nevermind what." haha. Yes, it still would be nice to have a girlfriend, but it's okay not to have one. All that matters at the end is family and friends that love and care for you. That's enough. And I'm pretty happy to say that I do have those. :)

So, things that happened the past month that ultimately made me feel this way.

The month started off pretty hectic, with 16km, 24km route march, recruit's night and POP all within a week. Then had to rush end of BMT documents and shit. Afterwards, things started to slow down, and the pace gradually slowed to a crawl. Took MC in the middle of the week because I couldn't wake up that morning, then went to school to build some models and painting. A little mid week break which was well deserved :). Then came the bomb. Janet messaged me when I was riding back home from camp. She said she was going to the hospital because she popped her knee. Whoa, wtf. I rushed home and changed, then took a cab straight to CGH to meet her. It wasn't as bad as I expected but still whoa. Doc thinks she just pulled something. I was really expecting much worse. Well afterwards we had some jap bento dinner with sashimi, and pushed her around in a wheelchair haha. I was like her maid for the day. Shuk didn't visit as he had plans for the night, and yeah, things that I'm not at liberty to say. Well end state, I hope he realises his wrongdoing and I do wish the best for them. Anyway, made sure she went back home safe then I went out with Yanxiang and Chinwee for shisha. We shared for it but they ended up smoking a little only. I shouldn't be complaining though haha. Woke up real late the next day, just in time to meet the guys for DINNER. Went to Thomson for Astons, then I went to meet Janet again to have a chat. Talked for quite a bit, played some crosswords (man, I suck) then went home.

Then came deepavali. Practically spent the whole day at home durdling* around accomplishing nothing haha. Took off the next day, met with Janet and went to Bugis. Ate four seasons ramen *nomnomnom* then went bugis street to shop for berms. Bought myself 2 sets of berms and t shirts. She bought few things, consisting of a dress, skirt, and a blouse. But, didn't buy her berms in the end hah. She had to leave to coach her kids and I went to school to do more painting. met up for dinner again at Simei for jap food. Went to catch a movie on Saturday with Chinwee and Tauhuey at Bugis junction. We watched fury! My kind of movie, about war and especially tanks. Went to meet with the usual Saturday bunch of guys for dinner at Just Acia, came home for some gaming till late.

Next bomb. Went to work on Monday, started having running nose. I thought it was just my usual sinus acting up in the morning as always, but it didn't stop even until the afternoon. It got worse even. My nose wouldn't stop leaking, I couldn't stop sneezing. Gosh my nose really was hurting. By evening, my eyes felt really sunken and I had a bad headache. Went home and took some panadol flu, thinking it would help and I went to sleep early. Kept waking up in the middle of the night to sneeze. So annoying. Couldn't really rest well. Decided to see the doctor in the morning for MC. Didn't wake up in time to see the polyclinc doctor, so I went to the GP instead. Thank God for the CHAS card, else the bill is gonna be fuuuyohh. Doc gave one day MC, meh. I thought nevermind la, it's just flu. Met Janet in the afternoon for massage at west plaza. Shiok yo. Then bought ingredients for dinner. Salmon, bacon, broccoli, mushrooms, pasta, chicken! Came over to my place to cook. I didn't realise she hasn't been to my house before. After all these years and going to her place so many times, she hasn't been to my place haha. She's a great cook yo. Taught me how to season the salmon, more importantly cook veggies. I can never get those right. Time to practice when my parents get back. I wanna cook for them. Spent about and hour and a half cooking and prepping. After eating, we just nua on the sofa and watched Chinese shows. Then she fell asleep :| Oh well, looks like I'm washing the dishes alone I guess haha. All was good, until night time. I couldn't stop coughing. The flu mutated into a cough. Apparently it was Upper Respiratory Tract Infection (URTI). My body just kept coughing, trying to expel phlegm, but at that time there was none. So it just kept coughing and coughing. I just shrugged it off and went to sleep. Ended up waking in the middle of the night with breathing difficulties. My chest was tight, I struggled for breath, trying to find my inhaler in the dark. Don't know why I didn't think of turning on the light at that time. I wasn't thinking straight I guess. Manged to find it in what seemed like forever, probably only about a minute, max. Took a couple of puffs, sat down on the floor for

15mins or so. Repeated for a few times then managed to get the breathing under control and back to sleep. Woke up early (because I couldn't sleep well) to see the doc at the polyclinc. Put me on the nebulizer, gave me medications, the usual. But what was really surprising was that this was the first time ever that I;ve had two attacks within a month of each other. And the one before the last was wayyyyy back in Pri school. I guess this is something new I have to look out for now.

So here I am, after a whole day of thinking and doing nothing. Writing this down. I guess after these events, it made me realise what to focus in life, who are the people that care, and why I shouldn't bother about the things that made me depressed. With janet injuring herself and going to the hospital, it made me really scared at that time, I didn't know what to do or how I'd feel if something major happened to her. Especially with the asthma, in addition to my injuries, life is really precious. And that I really have to take care of my health and body. Not just myself, but take care of the people I care about in other aspects as well. I guess in the case of Shuk and Janet, he has to realise that he was wrong by himself, only then can they move forward. Else, it'll be such a waste. They're really adorable together :3 But then again, what do I know? I'm the forever alone guy hahah.

I think I'm not elated, but I'm contented. I'm happy. With what I have. There are people I love and care for, and I know there are people that care for me as well. I'm really thankful. :)