An open letter

You know who you are

You've caused me so much pain, joy, heartache, happiness, grief, laughter, tears. You were so much and more. Yet things turned out this way.

No doubt I've gotten over you. But the lack of your presence has left a gaping hole in my heart. Because of you, I've spaced myself away from the things I liked to do, and the people I cared so much about. Because of you, I pretended to be someone I wasn't. Yet you never cared. Or at least, that was how people perceived you to be. I never heeded those warnings that I would get hurt in the end. I've always thought that it would be worth it if it meant I could be with you. I thought I could withstand the pain. I couldn't. Well you moved on with your life with success. Look at me, where am I now. Well it could be worse haha.

The past few days were great. Ever since I started that 100 days thing, I feel lighter, fresh, happier. The hole isn't filled. The concrete needs to be prepared, mixed, poured and settled, then it could be counted as filled. I'd say I'm in the prepping stage.

As I'm typing this, no longer am I in tears, nor feeling sad. Actually I'm smiling. Not sure why, but I am. I think things are looking great for me. I have an idea where I want to be, and I know what I have to do to get there.

It's been a learning experience, so to speak. Though I don't know if I can trust my heart to love someone like I did with you. Maybe not just yet. I don't know if I can take the rejection again. I've given up so much to be near you. But to think of it, it isn't really a lot isn't it? Maybe I was just being weak. Comparatively, I've seen Janet give up so much for Jiale. She went through so much and she survived it. I guess that was the inspiration for me to push through. She's such a strong individual, but if she did it, so can I.

With that I bid you farewell. Thank you for crossing paths with me, and for being a part of my life.


Dex.