Day 34

婆婆再见。

Granny passed away at 1830hrs today due to acute myocardial infarction, heart attack in short.

Was with dad, about to pick mum from mrt when she told us that the maid was freaking out about granny. First reaction was why waste time explaining? Why not call the ambulance? Then they proceeded to call and stuff. On the way there still drove at usual pace, no urgency. Still could park the car before letting us out. I didn't bother about my mum, I just ran to her house myself.

Saw the maid doing cpr, I assisted until mum finally reached. Scdf called, wanted me to guide the medics up. Rushed down to meet with them. Ran around finding them. Ankle was hurting but I didn't give a shit. They went up and pronounced her dead. I just stoned there. Maid broke down.

Then this strange feeling happened. I felt like puking. Like, I felt sick. It just didn't feel right. I know she's 95 years old. But don't say shit like she lived long enough. No one gets to say shit like that. Ever. Can't believe parents said that. Wtf man.

Police came, doctor came to write cause of death. Then someone from church came to help with funeral arrangements. All happened so fast. Although it was like 5 hours. Investigative officer even came. They wanted to rule out the possibility of foul play, as the maid was alone with her at that time.

Her life may have been long, and she might have lived a fulfilled life. But by no means she have lived enough. No such thing as that. Still in shock you said that.

I don't even know what to feel now. So much things running through my head. I miss her already.

I know she'll want me to continue to be happy. But I don't know if I can. Should I continue with this 100 days thing? Is it wrong to try to be happy in this period? I need to know.

So much for trying to achieve a happy day.